I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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