If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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