Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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