so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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