Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
