Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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