he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
ttyl tear gas
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
