guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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