You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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