my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
