He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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