...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
