Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
