Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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