I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
