So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
