so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
