If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
