In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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