When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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