If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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