Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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