My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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