So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
