She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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