i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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