Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
