her vagine was all disorganized.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
