it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
