Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
