Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want her autograph on my taint
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
