Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
