1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize