I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
