I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
