I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
