Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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