mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
