Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
