i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
