You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize