Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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