if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
