do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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