Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
