I think I died a long time ago.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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