Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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