I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
