Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
