U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
