I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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