Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
