have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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