My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think my mom watched the whole time
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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