Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
