she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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