I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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