dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
