I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
