this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
