When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
