girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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