two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
