i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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