Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
