He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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