i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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