i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
