hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
