party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
