I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
