you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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