yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
