i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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