I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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