So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
