One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
