you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
