Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
